Why I was Single All my Life Until After College

When I was in High School, my mom would repeatedly tell me, “You will be allowed to date after you’ve graduated from college and secured a stable job”.

“Ha, no way”, I would often think to myself at that time. “Almost everyone in high school was pretty much in a relationship so why would she think I would wait until after FOUR whole years of college”?

I grew up in a Haitian household. My parents were extremely conservative because of their upbringing.
My mom had a rocky past and did not want me to repeat her mistakes. So growing up, she would always tell me to stay away from boys.

Whenever she would bring up the whole “dating only after college” plan she set out for me, I would laugh.

Ironically enough, this ended up coming to pass. I had done it. Without the intention, I had indeed waited until I graduated with my bachelors to date.

So, why did I wait?

Was it because no one approached me?

Maybe because somehow my mother’s words got to me?

Or could it have because I was so focused on God?

No. No. And no.

I know a lot of time I’ve used the excuse, “I’m focused on God right now, so I’m not interested in a relationship”. I know I’m not alone in using this as a way out. That one was one of the lies I used to tell myself and guys that I had no interest in.

So why was I single for so long?

Well, it boils down to one reason.

I refused to settle.

Is he godly though? What characters does he possess?

Ladies, now I know you all have a list in your mind of certain characters you’d want future husbae to possess. Well, at the top of my list was him being a godly man. Notice that I didn’t say a guy that just goes to church, but a man who’s after God’s own heart. I knew that if I dated someone who is not godly, then I would have to endure some consequences that could have been avoided.

Yes, I made up my mind at an early age if his fruits aren’t matching up, then it wouldn’t be wise of me to lead him on. I’ve been in church for some time and I’ve have learned to make the distinction between one who is just a churchgoer versus one who lives for Christ.

Compromising my standards and beliefs?

I knew if first, he wasn’t a man of God, I would have to do a lot of compromising. By the grace of God, I was surrounded by people who taught me from the Word of God that I am precious to God. I knew my worth, I knew how I ought to be treated, what I should accept and what I shouldn’t.

I refused to settle for someone who wouldn’t treat me as the daughter of God that I am.

Don’t get me wrong; there is no such thing as a perfect guy. Even godly guys aren’t perfect. I met some pretty nice guys in my single season. Some were very pleasant and caring young men, but as I observe them more closely, I knew that I didn’t see myself interested in getting to know them on that level.

I hated having to constantly say “You’re a nice guy, but I’m not interested”. In high school, some of my classmates assumed I was a lesbian (ha!). I recall once, I was explicitly asked if I was a lesbian.

I was asked that question because that classmate knew when a guy would try to talk to me and I would not be interested.

Honestly, I was hurt and disturbed after being asked that question. Disturbed because I chose to remain single at the age of 16 or 17 and my sexuality was being questioned for that reason. If I didn’t keep my focus on the standards I had set,  it would have been easy for me to say, “sure, I’ll say yes to one of the guys”. Just because of all the pressure around me.

I could have easily tried to prove my classmate wrong or give in to all the pressure. But by the grace of God, I didn’t.

I stayed single until after college because I didn’t want to spend time dating just because. I wanted to date with purpose and I couldn’t do that until I meet a godly guy with similar values and vision.

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