5 Topics You must Discuss Before the Relationship Gets Serious

When was the last time you started to get to know someone and you realize you were really into him? I mean you liked him so much that you wanted to be careful with the questions you ask him. You didn’t want to accidentally ask a question then end up not liking the answer. Mainly because you know you have standards and values that you want to uphold and certain answers can potentially put an end to the freshly formed relationship.

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My boyfriend and I got through the nitty-gritty from the get-go because we knew what we both wanted and did not want to settle for any less or waste each other’s time.

I’m aware that every relationship is different. Each one starts in their own unique fashion. Either way, I want to share with you 5 topics you must discuss before getting into a serious relationship.

Topic 1: Spiritual Life

Pay attention here because this is one KEY. At a young age, I determined for myself that I would not date a non-believer. Now, we all will make our own decisions but I saw the headaches Christian women dating non-believers were going through and decided that I would stay far away. If you read the Bible, you’ll know we are instructed to not be equally yoked to unbelievers.

Before anything and I do mean before anything. Before this relationship gets any further. Ask yourself, is he spiritually fit? What I mean is does he have a relationship with the Lord or is he one who just goes to church because that’s what he grew up doing? Sis, you need to figure that out before allowing this relationship to get serious. If the spiritual aspect is very important to you, then discussing this will help you avoid unnecessary heartbreaks.

Topic 2: Vision and goals

Vision

This one is not as much of a requirement as the first one but it’s also crucial. This one is something that you both should actually discuss. If you have to go around the country doing speaking engagements for example, will he be able to live with that? If he is an entrepreneur and has plans to open multiple organizations, will you be able to support him while he spends hours a day building his business or will you see what he’s doing as pointless?

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Goals

When was the last time you went to a job interview and the interviewer asked you what your long-term goal is and you say, “well, I don’t know? I don’t really have any”. Never, right? This question is usually asked to see if you even fit in with the organization. 9 times out 10, if you don’t have goals to grow, you will not be hired. Other times, organizations are looking for someone that wants to stay in their position forever. Same thing with being in a relationship. Will you be happy in a relationship where your partner does not seek to grow or accomplish more?

The fact is God calls us to do different things and not everyone will be able to understand that. It’s important in the beginning to discuss these things so you can have a fruitful long-term relationship.

Topic 3: Children

This one is simple and straightforward. If one of you don’t want kids but the other does, well sis, now is the time to walk away. Yes I know can God can change one’s heart but people usually feel strongly about things like this for a reason. So talk about this so you know where you both stand on this subject.

Topic 4: Family and Friends

Family

I believe the dating stages is when you need to talk about everything you can think of and this is one of the topics we don’t necessarily think about until after marriage.

Some people did not grow up having a close relationship with family members and may not want to have Thanksgiving (or any holidays) at a family’s place. If you’re the type that spends a lot of time with your family member, will you be okay with that? In Gary Chapman’s book Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married, he shares a great example of how things like this will require compromise and working together. Will you both be willing to comprise in this area?

Friends

Talk about your friendships. I’ve seen it where one partner says “no more friends, I’m all your need” (may sound funny, but it happens). I’ve also seen where one partner is neglected because the other is so focused on other friendships. It’s important to understand and discuss where each other so you can take it from there.

Topic 5: Marriage

That probably should have been the second one, right? Don’t be afraid to ask him for his view on marriage or if he even wants to be married in the future. If he doesn’t see marriage as something he’d ever want in his future then you’re most likely wasting your time.

The dating stage is the place where clear expectations are set. Talk about these topics before getting to the “serious stage” of the relationship. Some heartbreaks can be avoided.

Another important topic you would add to this list? Feel free to comment below and share this with a sister.

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